8.07.2017

Network marketing is out of control

Network marketing (AKA multi-level marketing) and most people participating in it are getting on my nerves lately.

Back when it was just Mary Kay, Avon and Tupperware, and social media was many years away from its inception, I'm sure it wasn't that bad. You had your Avon lady, she gave you a catalog, you placed an order, and you picked up your order at her house, or she dropped it off at yours.

Or you would be invited to a Tupperware party and buy the two things you actually really wanted because you had never seen them before and thought they were going to change your life, and then you took them home and they actually were pretty cool, and even though they didn't change your life at all, it was still a pleasant experience because you got to see your friends and eat some snacks.

I'm not interested in talking about the economics of multi-level marketing companies or the success rates of the people who buy into them. I just want to talk about how completely and totally obnoxious it is to be friends with someone who buys into the madness.

This post is specifically about but not limited to:
  • LipSense
  • LuLaRoe
  • Beachbody
  • LegalShield
  • doTerra
  • Shakeology
  • Scentsy
  • Young Living
  • Norwex
  • Nerium
  • Herbalife
  • Thirty-One
Those are the ones I could think of off the top of my head because I have way too many social media friends involved in them.

I'm not sure because I haven't looked into it that far, but I think these companies are probably providing sample social media posts where you're just supposed to swap in a few relevant details and post a picture of yourself using the product, or just a selfie of how happy you are now that you're using the product. 

Every post, regardless of company, sounds exactly the same and is, perhaps most infuriatingly, coated in a guise of "realness" that makes me want to vomit. There is a very predictable formula, and it is "I used to not do X because Y, but since I've tried A, I love X now! And you should too!"

Here are some samples:
  • I never thought of myself as a "lipstick girl" because I could never be bothered to reapply it four times a day, but a friend of mine had me try LipSense because she said it was fantastic, and she was totally right! It stays on forever and looks as good when you take it off at night as it did when you put it on in the morning! (To be posted with a smiling selfie with lipstick on)
  • I always stayed away from wearing patterns because it's so complicated to make sure things match. LuLaRoe totally takes away the stress because if you just buy one of every pattern and one of every solid you always have something to match! I am literally incapable of resisting buying a new item of LuLaRoe, so I decided to sell it to save some money, haha! Oops! (To be posted with a smiling selfie in a LuLaRoe tunic and leggings)
  • I used to not exercise because it's hard and I'm not good at self-motivating. Beachbody makes exercising so much easier because it's totally brainless and like, yeah, sometimes I just put on a video and stare at it like *how do they do that* and *ouch* but I feel better when I have the videos playing so it's okay. Let me know if you want to get on this workout video train and you don't know how YouTube works! (To be posted with an auto-timer photo of you during your workout)
  • I've always hated cleaning. (Am I the only one? Haha, I can't be. Raise your hands, all my secret Messy Bessies!) It's harrrrrrrdddddd to doooooooo and I have baaaaaaaabiiiiiiies taking up all my time, okayyyyyyyy? And chemicals, boo! (Sad face) So anywho, I tried Norwex and wowzers, it really is as amazing as everyone says! Buy it from meeeeee instead of all your other friends who are selling it! (To be posted with a photo of yourself holding a cleaning rag)
I COULD DO THIS ALL DAY.

It's gotten so bad that I've started unfollowing people immediately when they post their "special announcement" that they've decided to "join the (insert company here) family" because they're "already spending enough" buying every single one of their wonderful products, "lol smiley face."

And even worse, I think strategy number one now is to add every single person you've ever known on Facebook, because basically every friend request I've gotten in the last six months that wasn't from someone I actually just met has been followed immediately by an inundation of posts about their new business. 

Auto-unfriend.

And I'm not even going to get into the people who send MESSAGES asking if you want to join their fitness challenge or sign up for a lash serum and one-step mascara that aren't available to the public yet. Those are the worst offenders, and you can just see them sitting in their living rooms copying and pasting the same message to every single woman they know. (Oh, oops, I guess I got into it.)

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