"I wish someone had told me you don't take checks!"

As I was checking a customer out at Old Navy today, she pulled out her checkbook and said, "I'm going to write a check."

Let me stop you right there. We don't actually accept checks anymore. (Hallelujah.)

So I answered, "Oh, I'm so sorry, we actually don't take checks!"

Flustered and already angry, she replied, "What? Really? Since when?!"

I replied, "Yeah, it's been about a year or so."

And she answered — seriously — "Well geez, I wish someone had told me!"

Okay. Okay. Here's the thing. Pretty much nobody uses checks anymore. Just as an example, I've only had two people total try to write a check to pay for their purchase in the past year.

People who write checks are such a small, tiny, seriously barely-existent minority that it would be absolutely ridiculous to enact any kind of communication campaign to let them know we won't be taking checks anymore.

Like seriously, what do you want us to do? Let's look at some options.

Should we send out a direct mail campaign? And I'm sure it wouldn't be good enough to just have the information included in a normal advertisement-type mailer because you might not read the whole thing. So maybe it should just be like, "PSA: We're not going to be taking personal checks anymore!"

Should we send everyone an email? But if you exclusively use checks you might not use email either. And we certainly can't be sure that you're on our email list. So maybe we should send out an email to every email address in the country.

Should we personally call each person who's used a check to pay for a transaction at Old Navy in the past, say, five years? I wonder if we even keep that information. I kind of doubt it. Maybe we should call every phone number in the United States and tell them our new policy.

Should we have tacky "no personal checks" signs posted? Where would you suggest we post them? I presume the register wouldn't have worked, right? Because that's where you found out about the policy anyway, and you didn't think I told you soon enough. So maybe we should have them posted on the front doors. Maybe it should be one big sign that's the size of the door so you don't miss it.

Should we have someone stationed at the door as you walk in to tell you what forms of payment we do and don't accept? When does the statute of limitations run out on this? Because if the policy went into effect more than a year ago, maybe we should do this for two years after the policy change. Or maybe three? Three sounds safe.

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