Wedding Week: Who's invited?

Welcome to Wedding Week, where I help you become a better wedding guest through my -- and some of my recently married friends' -- experiences. Some people might think it's rude for me to blog about hating people at my own wedding, but those people don't have a blog called "I Hate Everyone." If you recognize yourself in any of these, don't fret! I probably still love you. Just adjust your behavior for the next wedding you're invited to.

Welcome to day 3 of Wedding Week. Today, let's talk about who's invited to weddings.

It's a really, really simple answer. The people whose names are listed on the envelope are the people who are invited.

This topic involves two things: plus-ones and crashers.


Here's something I bet you never knew: Weddings are expensive. The guest list is agonized over and debated for weeks, or even months. Plus-ones are really tricky. Some people give everyone a plus-one. Some people only give plus-ones to people in long-term relationships. Some people give no plus-ones. It really depends on your venue and budget.

With our wedding, we could only really afford to give plus-ones to people who didn't know anyone else there. 

Yet we were still asked (politely, at least, but still) by people who didn't get plus-ones if they could have them. 

Seriously? We are inviting you to our wedding, at which you will have plenty of friends, and you have the audacity to ask permission to invite a girl you've been dating for a few weeks? First of all, we've never met her, so why do you want to bring her to our wedding? It's not just a party. It's the two of us getting married. Why would she want to come to that? 

Also, it's so presumptuous and self-centered to ask this question. Reasons we didn't give people plus-ones: Money and space. But sorry, your girlfriend is much more important and I should be making every accommodation for her. On my wedding day.

So rude. And the worst part is, I actually gave in and let one person invite a plus-one, and then they fought pretty much the whole time and didn't talk to anyone. It was awesome.


Now let's talk about wedding crashers. I didn't encounter this at my wedding, so I can't necessarily expand on it a lot, but let me repeat what I said before: the only people invited are the people whose names are on the envelope.

A friend of mine had a group of people she intentionally didn't invite show up to her wedding, and another friend's uncle actually brought extra people to hers. I seriously can't imagine. I'm so glad this didn't happen at my wedding. I don't know what I would have done.

Bonus story

This more closely fits with plus-ones, but it's different enough that I thought it deserved its own section.

This is how we did the "check yes or no" part of our RSVP cards:

We filled out the second blank so people would know how many people from the family were invited. (We mainly did this to avoid people assuming their dumb children were invited.)

But anyway, we got one RSVP card back that said "4 of 2." Like ... no. That's not how this works. You have two spots, not four. Why would you assume you can invite more people than there are spots saved?

I intentionally didn't invite this couple's kids (even though they're adults), because I find them annoying. I also haven't spoken to them in years, so there's truly no reason to invite them. I honestly couldn't, and still can't, wrap my head around why she thought it was okay to invite her kids when they clearly weren't invited.

And the best part was that none of the four of them ended up being able to make it anyway.

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