1.21.2012

I know you're lying, Speedway. And Walgreens. And Kroger.

I have a major issue with some advertisements I've been seeing lately. They're all along the same lines and they all make claims that are, in my extensive experience, completely false.

The first one is a Kroger ad. Now, I love Kroger. It's where I shop for groceries, much more so than Meijer, Wal-Mart or any of its competitors. But they are no better at getting you through the line quickly than any other grocery store, and honestly, I have to wait in long lines at Kroger quite often.

So tell me why this commercial claims they'll get you in and out in a jiffy and that they'll open extra lines if they see you waiting. This has never happened to me. They even use the phrase, "I promise!" (This video has two commercials and neither are the exact ones I've seen on TV, but you get the idea.)

 

Second is Walgreens. They say they have "great parking, short lines, and perfect gifts." (Third comma included.) 

Okay. I don't understand the parking thing. Their parking lots are always really small because their stores are really small. This was a holiday campaign, so I think they were comparing themselves to Wal-Mart and stuff. I think this because of this video they posted on the company Facebook page and YouTube channel:


 

(This isn't the commercial I actually saw...it isn't even a real commercial.) Now, while this video is funny, it doesn't actually make Walgreens look any better because Walgreens is not a grocery store. People aren't rushing to Walgreens to stock up before their holiday dinners. So yeah, there's much more parking available, percentage-wise, at Walgreens than at Wal-Mart around the holidays.

Congratulations.

But you also, just like Kroger, hardly ever have short lines.

The third is from Speedway and I really can't find it on YouTube, sorry. I hate it because there are employees telling us how they really know their customers and they have their coffee ready before they're even in the door and they really care about your busy schedule so they don't want you to have to wait and blah, blah, blah.

Okay, false. Not that I'm saying the employees in that commercial aren't really employees. I mean, that would be crazy. I'm just saying the lines in Speedway are literally some of the longest lines in which I've ever had to wait. Ever.

So...just don't lie to me when I've been to your store and know better.

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